omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
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