...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
