Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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