Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
