he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
So squirting runs in the family.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize
