dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
