He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
