You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
