your thong is hanging out like whoa
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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