Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
