He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I came so hard my ears popped.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
