I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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