you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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