Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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