Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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