there's paper in my vomit.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
