He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
