It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
