I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
