My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
