Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
