WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
