Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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