We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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