I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
