is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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