okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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