I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize