so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
