When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
