Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
