i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
