Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
