just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
