I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
