My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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