Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
