then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I FOUND THE LEGS
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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