Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Randomize
