what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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