we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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