Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
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