The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
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