she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
