Betty ford says i'm here all night
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
