If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize