you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Ladies don't puke and tell
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
