we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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