dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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