i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
