Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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