New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
