wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
