I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
her vagine was all disorganized.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Randomize