I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
