His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
