why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Come see our sink grown plant.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
