you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
