So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
