bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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