I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
