why didn't you poke me back
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize