Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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