Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
