I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
