Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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