I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
