Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
