we're chasing vodka with high fives
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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