Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
