I wanna passion pit in your ass
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
