I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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