when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
