Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize