David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
