i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I'm bleeding and have questions
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
