Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
