Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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