my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
