how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
No subtext here. People are naked.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
