Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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