i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
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