I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
