Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
