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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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