We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
