There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
