i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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