My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
