Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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