If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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