this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
