his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Boobs speak an international language.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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