Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize