I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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