I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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