don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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