His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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